THE LOYALIST

Raw Denim is tailored previous to exposure to any moisture, rinse or wash. Despite that RD has been a staple in closets since the late 1950’s amongst purists, it came into the popular culture again nearly a decade ago.  Now RD is everywhere. Naysayers be damned. RD comes with rules. I’m sure you’ve heard some wearer share a tip or hint from time to time. But the truth is, purists, gentlemen, don’t wash their jeans, ever. The advice varies from  things like if you are going to do it this way or that way—all wrong. One of the more popular RD manufactures suggests that if you “must” wash your RD do it by wearing them into the ocean and then laying on the sandy beach until they sun dry. This sounds fancy. Too fancy for me. I’m a solid Loyalist and firm believer in the rules of RD have chosen to follow the stricter and more narrow path.  The RD indigo fades naturally around my daily abrasion characteristics, stretches to fit my body type perfectly, and lasts for what would seem an eternity.  So why do people still wash their jeans? Well, RD has a wicked downside.  Not washing a pair of jeans that you wear 5 times a week for well over a year (250+ times in a year) does one other thing besides makes for a great looking pair of jeans… It makes for one smelly pair of jeans.  You can spray fragrant chemicals on them (not recommended) or blow smoke on them (also, not recommended) or invent any various means by which to expose your jeans to an outside olfactory experience. However, the best way to overcome bad smell or rid your beautiful, unwashed jeans of peculiar scent remains singular. It’s actually very simple.  Freeze them. Stick them next to the Eggo’s, Stouffer’s, and your Blue Bell Ice Cream.  Roll them in the way that soldiers pack luggage to keep from wrinkling (lay them flat crossed at the crotch seem and then starting from the leg openings roll tightly to the top) and then place them in the freezer.  Thirtysix hours later you have jeans that are free of all unwanted smells.  You might think this should go without saying, but of course don’t get them wet and put them in the freezer,  it’s a dry, painless process.  Refreeze as needed. Thaw before wearing and brag loudly about all the water you’re saving!

I’ve owned many pairs of RD jeans but my favorite pair, the least worn pair was my first pair.  They were Levis, of course.  I acquired them (by acquired….. I mean stole them) around 1999.  This was my first pair. And I made one crucial mistake: they were too big.  Intentionally big.  Not knowing anything about RD I wanted them big and baggy—sign of the times, I guess.  So I wore them the first night with pride,  big and baggy.  By the end of the night they were even bigger and baggier as RD by nature is still very elastic.  The typical pair shall grow at least 2 inches in the waist. They’re made of cotton, people! Cotton is soft by nature. The next morning I didn’t waste any time.  I knew the power of a washing machine and it was the only technique I knew to return them to the same shapely, perfect fit for chosen bagginess. I could wash on hot, dry them and shrink them ever-so slightly.  So, I must admit, I was a young and naive future loyalist, and I committed my first (well second) crime against RD - I washed them.  Needless to say that when the last turn of the spin cycle was done in the dryer.  I had a pair of Slim fit jeans that would rival any Willamsburg hipster of the modern time.  I then sadly committed my third crime against RD,  I threw them away after one wear. Perhaps this was my true crime: waste. I hear your judgement, reader, I know.  I often think back to the crimes of my youth not regretfully because I learned Loyalty.  This lesson is strong in my convictions today.  What’s the take-away from this story - “If you’re gonna steal,  at least make sure you steal good.”